When You Realize You Have No Control…
… is when you are finally at peace. Watching Lani buckle last night when the police officers left our house was absolutely my minute in life when I realized my life was standing right in front of me- no need to flash before my eyes, with each blink, she rematerialized, there, in front of me. Realizing how, in a blink of an eye Aaron was ripped away from us, brought me to a place I had never traveled with Lani. The understanding that it could be her, or anyone in anyone’s life that was here 5 minutes ago. How small we are in the plan laid out before us that we believe we control. It is the moment I describe that it becomes obvious that you control nothing, not even your own life and living in in denial of that fact keeps you an arms length apart from the ones you love.
Shock does not describe the devastating news of the loss of Aaron, but it does not compare at all to the infinite explosion of reality that set in when we finally made it to the hospital, to Aarons children, our gorgeous nieces. How they would never know the power and influence Aaron had over both me & Lani. He, being a younger brother to me, probably never realized just how much I looked up to and needed him. In many moments in our short life together, Aaron & I agreed on things more than we disagreed. He was honorable, he was the laugh at just the right moment, he was the ice breaker, our peace maker, our moral indicator, and most of all, he was ours, and how we wanted to share him with his children- and will, but we both know it just will not be the same- we’re begging God for this control.
We’ve all felt and experienced loss, I assure you, to us, this does not feel like a loss, it’s more of a darkness. I see my wife in utter pain, and this brings me utter sadness. Smile for her I try but she sees right through me, I feel that I’ve lost the battle of damage control even before we realized there was damage to control- like a knife.
As we pick up our collective pieces here at home, we open a window, one we open daily without thought. We open our feed-readers as we do daily to see a ray of light. The reason we love our profession the way we do, the people that work with us day in and day out are there, in our windows, like a breath of light. Thoughts and deeds of our peers in our world reaching out to us and lifting us as we lift one another. It is with this feeling of absolute disbelief that we realize that God’s plan all along was that our network of colleagues we’ve been building would be the gift that God gave us- our strength, the little extra, our friends and family. Thank you for giving to our nieces & thank you all so much for lifting us up.
-Lani & Benn
When Lani & I settle down one night this week, I will put together a better link-up of the 100s of re.net colleagues that have hit our feed readers and mail boxes. God Bless All of You
September 25th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Tragedy in the Real Estate Blog World…
A very sad thing happened yesterday. Aaron Anglin, 24, was killed in an automobile accident. He leaves…
September 25th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
You’re a rock, Benn. This is beautiful. Nothing can replace what they’ve lost, but those little girls are lucky to have you and Lani.
September 25th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
[...] Benn Rosales reflects on these tragic events, finding grounds for hope despite everything. [...]
September 25th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Beautiful post Benn. Aaron sounds like a wonderful father, husband, brother and human. I agree with Greg, the girls are lucky to have you and Lani.
September 25th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
God Bless.
September 25th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Benn, Lani, - Your old friends and those that you are just coming to know will be there for you long after the darkness fades to light. You’re strength is inspiring even healing to me in some ways. Since first hearing the news, I haven’t looked at my Grandaughter, Daughters or Wife quite the same way.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Dear Lani, Benn,
You were so kind, so loving to keep my father in your prayers during his illness, and to light a candle for him at his death. And now, I am sorry beyond words that this tragedy has befallen your family. Aaron, his young widow and daughters, and the rest of your family all are in my prayers. May God bless and comfort you.
September 26th, 2007 at 3:21 am
I’ve only know Aaron’s beautiful family since May 2007 that’s when I starting keeping Eleanor daily, (Aaron’s oldest)and I have come to truly love that family. Aaron beamed when I would talk about his beautiful daughter’s. I can’t say enough about how great of a father he was. I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to care for Eleanor, she brings so much joy and that joy was given to her from a joyful dad. We must carry that joy on as Aaron would want to keep his baby girls so happy.
God Bless
September 26th, 2007 at 4:49 am
My thoughts are with you, Lani, and your family.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:43 am
[...] of Austin Texas– a frequent contributor to Bloodhound and author of her own blog, lost her brother is a deadly car [...]
September 26th, 2007 at 8:24 am
Lani, Benn - I am so very sorry for your loss. Your family and Aaron’s family will be in our prayers. Those little girls are very lucky to have you both and I know you will keep his memory alive.
September 27th, 2007 at 1:35 am
Lani,
I know that we have only recently become bloggin’ friends, but I’m so very sorry for your loss. Since reading Benn’s post, as well as the outpouring of supportive posts within the blogosphere I haven’t been able to think of anything but your family and adorable nieces. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. -Nicole
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am
[...] Our articles this last week: R.E. Revealed, Benn Rosales [...]