So, I’m not sure if her name rhymes with Patrick Swayze’s, rhymes with cheesy or swissy, but after this interview, you two will know just how cool Jessica Swesey of Inman News is.  I interviewed her months ago but was waiting for Inman Connect to gear up so that readers have her fresh in their minds (and so they can laugh at her and poke her with sticks when they see her in person this week).  Let the fun begin!!!

What is the strangest pet you’ve ever had?

I actually haven’t had a lot of pets in my lifetime. I do remember a pet salamander I caught in a pond when I was in the first grade. I promptly named her Sally the Salamander and she kept me company from her mayonnaise jar (cleaned of course) while I battled the chicken pox.

How do you react when a stranger swears they know you? Mace them because they looked at your credit card when you just bought coffee or rack your brain in case you actually DO know them?

I usually think they are a little bit crazy, but mostly harmless. I live in San Francisco where most people are a little bit crazy and mostly harmless. This actually happens to me a lot at industry events since we launched InmanTV. Thankfully, there’s been no leak of my sex tape yet.

Name the spiciest food you’ve ever eaten.

This one’s easy — it would have to be the doro wat (a spicy stewed chicken dish) at my wedding last year. My husband is Ethiopian so we had a huge traditional feast and celebration, which in that culture means stuffing your face until you’re so full that other people begin stuffing it for you. All the dishes were made by family members and the spices were brought over directly from Addis Ababa. Good stuff.

If you had to be the red carpet fashion police, who would be banned from ever being on the red carpet again?

Anyone who’s too drunk or pharmed up to walk on their own. Come on Lindsey, Paula and Britney — being wasted is soooo last year. No one could wear wasted like Anna Nicole and now that’s she’s gone the trend has to be retired.

What song would be the soundtrack for your life? You know, like what would play in the background as you walk downtown?

Ooh, this would have to be the catchy tune, Young Folks, from Peter Bjorn and John. I dare you to listen without whistling along.

What is the meanest thing an ex-coworker has said or done to you?

I’ve had many co-workers in the past mistake my quiet and self-reflective nature for being stuck up. But I guess the meanest thing anyone’s ever done to me is leave me in the trenches for a more exciting job. That always sucks. How dare they chase success at my expense!

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So there you have it. Jessica jars animals, aims to fill up RErevealed’s spam filter by using the words “sex tape” (thanks, Jessica), eats crazy made up Ethiopian food, and her life soundtrack is a song by some strange, whistling Swedes. Now that you really know Jessica, what do you think?
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Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. Today’s Bubble Gum victim is none other than my friend Jeff Brown- master international investment secret spy agent. Jeff and I (and my husband) have gotten to know each other well over the past few months, and although I’m not Jeff’s boss or anything (that’s what his wife is for), let’s just say I get to call every now and then and use my “serious business voice.” I do like Jeff a lot- enough to use this picture of him in our car (taken while he was pimpin’ his pimp hat and pimp shades, talking, and pretending not to get mad while I photograph him in action). So, Jeff- tell us about yourself!

Name three Halloween costumes you wore in your childhood.

The first costume I remember was the one Mom made for me, after weeks of begging — Superman. I put it on the minute I got home from school. (1st grade) Dad couldn’t stop laughing, as I tried to keep dinner off my costume.

The next year I was the devil, which I thought was insanely rebellious, as I was the preacher’s kid. I learned later the name of that costume should’ve been called ‘cliché’.

Though I was getting older, at 12 you go for the candy. I dressed as my all-time sports hero, Sandy Koufax. I was irritated at every house we visited, because the dumb moms kept asking me who I was. Come on, who didn’t know who Sandy was?! Geez

Can a bald guy have a hairline fracture?

You need to ask my first wife that question. Once she stopped laughing and rolling her eyes you’d find out nobody bumps their head more than I used to. I must have cracked my skull 50 times against the corner of the stove hood when our kids were still pretty young. I mean hard, as in, “Daddy, your head is bleeding…again.”

Know how Deborah on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ sometimes calls Ray an idiot? She wasn’t the first, my kids’ mom was. She said it best just after I’d cut myself for the umpteenth time on the damn stove hood.

Disclaimer: We’re still very close friends. She and her husband enjoyed Thanksgiving with my wife and I at our place last year.

What made you switch from selling homes to the investment property?

First, it didn’t help, being a teenager with a real estate license. Being second generation was a big edge, but a bit of a hindrance too. The boss’s kid always gets a little grief, know what I mean, Verne?

What made me crazy was my absolutely inability to deal with wives who would love a house, then not make an offer because the paint was all wrong. (not to mention their weak-kneed husbands) It should’ve been a no-brainer for me, but I just couldn’t hang. Back then (‘69-76) $50 bought you pizza for six people for an entire weekend, AND enough paint to redo every room in the house. But noooooo, can’t do that, hafta keep looking.

My very wise wife told me I had to find another way to make money, cuz I was gonna end up on the 11 o’clock news if I didn’t. That was her way of giving me the nod to move to the investment side, a big risk at the time.

Who would win a wrestling match between a medium sized black bear and Hulk Hogan?

Hulk Hogan by default — are you kiddin’ me? The bear would take one look at the Hulk, turn tail, and haul buns.

Do you have any musical talent?

In 1965, my freshman year, I made the parade band for Norwalk High. (L. A.) We marched in several parades, including the ‘Long Beach All-Western’, in which we were judged fifth best marching band in the 11 western states. I played trombone — it was nearly as long as I was tall.

My real musical talent though, (musical?) is dancing. Yep, the BawldGuy gets it done. There are some rules though. I have to be at least half way done with my second Glenlivet. At that point I think I can dance. (Note: When you look up ‘lightweight’ drinker in the dictionary, you’ll see my picture.) After three drinks I think I’m dazzling. On the very rare occasion in which I have a fourth drink, I’m convinced you’re one lucky wench to even be on the dance floor with me. All of which, by the way, still leaves me as the poor bald guy looking like the snook he is, dancing with a woman who’s dang near a pro. Fortunately, everyone with a lick of discernment looks at her.

How has fatherhood changed your life?

Enormously, and in ways I’m still discovering now. My daughter is a (3.5 GPA) college student, getting her degree next year in child development. Her big brother has his degree in international business, (also 3.5 start to finish) and is orders of magnitude smarter than his dad, as is his sister. I was in the room when each was born, cutting the cord on one.

I promised myself each would be taught how to be totally self-sufficient and think for themselves. They’ve turned out better than I’ll ever have the right to claim any credit for. This is especially true, as their mother was put on this earth to be a mom.

When they were babies, and looked at me the way babies do, the realization hit — I CANNOT fail.

Fatherhood forced me to be focused and purposeful in everything I did, because they either were watching, or would eventually find out. I learned being a Dad meant your job was defined as stepping up to the plate whenever and wherever it was required.

If you take fatherhood seriously, it’s impossible not to be changed — in some ways, profoundly. Kids have a way of keeping you honest, unafraid to tell the emperor he has no clothes.

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So there you have it.  Jeff now holds the record for “most happy faces used in a Bubble Gum Interview,” sometimes dresses up as Superman+Satan+Sandy, theorizes that baldness causes vulnerability to skull fractures, mustered a serious face as he used the words ”Hulk” and “buns” in the same sentence, and is a band nerd who can dance like Travolta when he’s lit (I think the pimp hat helps).  Now that you really know Jeff, what do you think?
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Don’t forget to nudge the judges for the Bubble Gum Interviews to win the “Funniest RE.net Post of 2007″!!!!

In honor of interviewing my husband, I’ll skip the normal intro that he hates (”I know what the intro repetitively says, and I catch myself reading it every time!”).  Benn Rosales is the King of Single Pointe Realty, the host of the nationally successful blog Agent Genius, and most importantly, he’s my husband.  He’s finally been suckered into an interview after seeing that most others’ didn’t lose their careers as a result, so let’s get started:

Who would you be more star struck by- Barry Gibb, Chuck Norris or Justin Timberlake?

I would like to meet Barry F’n Gibb! “talkin’ ’bout politics and crazy cool medallions” Justin and I could kick it, easily, and what’s a Chuck Norris? Is that like a steak?

Fox News, CNN, MSNBC or nothing?

Fox News or nothing. I only watch CNN during the election cycle the way you sometimes watch a funny sitcom. Laughter is sometimes uplifting and solidifies your own personal position.

You have to choose a private jet or a helicopter- which and why?

I’m choosing helicopter. I think on the bling bling scale of things, the big baller appeal of a helicopter is much higher than a jet and besides, I don’t want Sean Hannity calling me out for my carbon footprint because of my jetset life.

Do you think that people who say “I slept like a baby” have ever had a baby?

A better question is do you think people who say smooth as a baby’s butt have ever changed a diaper? I mean seriously, why do we spend so much time dreaming of being younger or going back in time, or relating to childhood when we really should embrace the “now”. Looking backwards is so “life in reverse.”

Name some sayings your parents used (like “children are meant to be seen and not heard”).

Do as I say, not as I do. Boy, did I make them pay for that one… I learned early on to lead a double-life. The kid who on the surface was an absolute angel, but under that I was the devil incarnate. I’ll just leave this one there…

Tell us the story of which natural (or human) disaster has most closely changed your life.

Anyone who knows me knows the Oklahoma City Bombing was a devastating impact on my life. Having worked in the building, and knowing an overwhelming majority of the employees that worked in the Alfred P. Murrah Building, the idea of looking at the list of the dead or the survivors is still impossible for me. I’ve yet come to come to terms with the loss of so many people and friends, nor the idea that a cityscape landmark has vanished from the skyline. I know that passing April 19th has become easier not realizing it’s approach, but about the 21st of every April it hits me, realizing my mood has changed, and the ability to smile has vanished. I still have nightmares, and it is still amazing how God guided me in a different direction at that moment in my life- the bright side is I’m here today, but somehow the comfort in that is very little.

BONUS QUESTION that I didn’t ask that I’ve made up the answer to: Tell us what makes your wife so wonderful:

Lani is not only gorgeous with her amazing style, skinniness and cute blonde hair, she is amazingly intelligent. With her degree from the best college in the world (The University of Texas), she practically runs the business. Everyone looks up to her and wants to be like her. She is so funny and has better jokes than anyone else I know. She is creative, driven and seeks world domination in a respectfully benevolent way. She is the best. If I had to give her a title other than what’s on her business card, it would be “Awesome.”

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So there you have it. Benn doesn’t know what a Chuck Norris is, aims for a bling bling lifestyle hangin’ with Barry F’in Gibb, has changed too many diapers, realizes the laughability of CNN coverage, lead a double life as a child, and married the world’s hottest, smartest, coolest woman. Now that you really know Benn, what do you think???

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. I’ve written about Chris Lengquist of Kansas City fame before, and he’s even visited us in Austin (Hook ‘Em!). He’s a good friend, an amazing Realtor, and just dumb enough to risk his career by doing a Bubble Gum Interview!

What phone ringer do you have? Please let it be cool like N’Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye’ or something…

I think through this interview you are going to find out I’m actually quite boring. My Sprint phone has that ringer you hear on all of their commercials. N’Sync would make me want to put my head through a window. But if I did go the music route it would probably be Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”. I love that song and what it stands for. Language aside.

Name the worst pickup line you’ve ever used.

Pick up line? Jeez. My wife and I got married when I was just barely 21. (She was 20.) I have no recollection of all the lines I used to spout. But I can tell you this. When I first saw Marie (my wife) nearly 23 years ago I was in instant lust. I was told she had a serious boyfriend so I acted through subterfuge…immediately. Now I had no thoughts of marriage but she turned my infatuation into a life long commitment. Lucky for me.

If Cartman from South Park and Stewie from Family Guy get in a fight, what would it be like?

I’ve never seen either. My son is a big Family Guy fan. I’m more along the lines of Boston Legal (watch for me in a late January episode…I’m having dinner right next to Denny Crane) and Seinfeld. Now in my younger days, if we are going to stick with animation comedy, I was a big Bevis & Butthead fan. Guess which one I related to?

Do you have any embarrassing superstitions? If not, make one up.

During each of the births of my children I sacrificed a live anteater in the operating room.

Okay. That’s not exactly true. But as a huge Kansas basketball fan I can tell you that if my team loses a big game whatever shirt I was wearing is out the door! Bad karma cannot be kept around. (Sadly, I’ve lost a lot of shirts over the years.)

What’s your favorite joke to tell?

A priest, a rabbi and a prosti…. Nevermind.

Here’s one. Q. Why is Kansas so windy? A. Because Missouri blows.

(Note to Missouri residents: This is directed at your university, not you. Even though you won the game at Arrowhead we will still make more money that you at the bowl games… and in life.) Let the bashing begin. Most will probably be clients of mine.

You’re 18 again, what one thing would you do differently to shape the future you?

I really wish I had had better guidance back then. No sob story here, but my Dad and I didn’t talk at all back in those days. I was the oldest kid and trying to find my way. Every decision I made was based on what I wanted and wanted now. Unfortunately that carried through to my mid-twenties. Maturity and manly decision making coincided with finding a mentor who guided me like a father and also at the same time mending ties with my Dad.

My oldest son is 15. (I have three other children, as well.) I do everything I can to be involved with the lives of my children. It is important to me that they know I’m here to help them make it through. To guide them. To counsel. And yes, to let them make mistakes from decisions they make. That last one is the hardest to do but it’s the best teacher. Then I’m there to help clean up the mess and say “Hey, what if you had tried…?”

I realize that doesn’t answer your question but I’ll continue with this last thought. Too many people don’t think about their future. Today’s actions guide tomorrow’s lifestyle. In your business life and especially your personal life. And, now this is important, we were not put here just to satisfy our own desires. My mission, my assignment really, in life is to serve others.

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So there you have it.  Chris hearts Eminem, lies about using pick up lines on Marie, has failed to watch two of the all-time best television shows EVER (but makes up for it by watching the actual best show of all time, not to mention landing a ROLE in it!!!), and hates Mizzou as much as we do!   Now that you really know Chris, what do you think?

This article is two pronged:

(1) EXTERNALLY PROMOTIONAL- Todd Carpenter of Blog Fiesta (and previous victim of a Bubble Gum Interview) is holding a “Funniest RE.net Blog Post for 2007” and you should go vote!  It’s like P.Diddy said in the ‘04 cycle- “Vote or Die!”  You all know that humor is at the top of my list for qualifications of friends, blogs I read, husband(s) and business partners.  Make sure to mention the contest on YOUR blog!

(2) SELF PROMOTIONAL- RErevealed’s Bubble Gum Interviews were nominated by Todd and RErevealed should win.  Period.  Most people say “go vote for the best,” but I’d rather tell you that you should vote for me (although I’m not the funny one, it’s the victims of the interviews).  Do it or P.Diddy will get you. 

The Bubble Gum Interviews have been nominated, so let’s review them so you can remember what makes me the interviewees so funny:

Jay Thompson
Jim Cronin
Joel Burslem
Teresa Boardman
Brian Brady
Ardell DellaLoggia
Morgan Brown
Jim Duncan
Joseph Ferrara
Todd Carpenter
Kris Berg
Eric Gage
Kevin Boer
Shailesh Ghimire

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. Shailesh Ghimire, the Arizona Mortgage Gurualways has my back, so I thought I’d pay him back with embarrassing questions, so let’s get started!

You meet Justin Timberlake- what do you say to him?

I honestly don’t know anything about him other than the fact that he was a member of N’Sync. I’ve never cared for that kind of music. The canned, techno beats with pretty boy singers. Ever since The Simpsons aired that one episode where Bart gets included in the boy band (New Kids on the Blecch), my view towards these cookie cutter boy bands isn’t very positive. I tune them out.

So, to answer your question, if I did ever get a chance to talk to Justin I’d ask him if I could do his next mortgage! Keep it all business.

What does your lawn look like?

Honestly, awful. I’ve been cited by the HOA a few times. I’m not proud of it, but I have a hard time with my lawn. It’s a small patch of grass surrounded by a rock garden of sorts. I’ve considered getting rid of the grass. See, I have an excuse; there is a dog in my neighborhood that has been using my lawn to do his/her business. I’m not a dog fan. So, it’s like a slap in the face. I’ve asked all the neighbors and no one takes responsibility. The HOA hasn’t helped either. So, when I see dog poop on my lawn, I’m in no mood to get my lawn in order.

I’ve considered posting a sign “pick up your dog’s poop from my lawn” – but my wife vetoed that one. I’ve considered sending a letter out to all the neighbors, but I’ve already talked to most of them and a few of my close ones have the same problem. So, you see, this is a touchy issue for me…. I’ve even considered running for HOA president just to address this issue. We’ll see.

What is your favorite shoe brand?

I’ve always liked Adidas sports shoes. Plus it stands for “all day I dream about Shailesh” – and I always thought the ladies found that cool back in school. I always liked the soccer cleats they made. I have many in the past but the one I have, I’ve had for almost 9 years now, can you beleive it. Either their quality is really good, or I’m just a pathetic soccer player. I think its that I’m a poor player, nothing happens to it all you’re doing is
running up and down the field.

What did you do for your 18th birthday?

Hmmm 18th. Well, I was just coming out of boarding school. Yes. I want to a British boarding school back in Kathmandu, Nepal. So, just getting off campus and heading for a nearby watering hole was a victory back in the day.

So… it was just another birthday. Nothing special happened. I got in a lot of trouble the last few years of high school, so I had to keep things under control if I wanted to make it in life!

Have you ever stolen office supplies? Which ones and can you send me some cool pens?

See, I have a “home office”, so I don’t steal office supplies. I just “bring” some home for “office” use – mostly paper, pens, staples, envelopes. I occasionally bring stacks of paper home, man those credit reports can get long and I’m not paying for the paper all the time. I can send you a CTX pen if you’d like. I’d have to go and dig. We just moved offices so I don’t even know where the office supplies are kept anymore.

What is something special that you and your wife do together even when times are busy?

We like to go hiking. We’ve tried to make time for it even when we’re super busy, but things it doesn’t always happen. My wife has been complaining that we’re not doing enough fun stuff together, and I agree that I’ve been a bit slack in that department. So, we went to see a musical last weekend. She loves musicals, and she loved this one. One of the agents we work with was in it and I didn’t know such a wonderful theater existed right here in Gilbert, Arizona. I never was much into musicals, but because of her we’ve seen quite a few. The best one was “Joseph and the Techno Color Dream coat”. It was fantastic.

So, really, there isn’t one thing we do even when things are busy. That is probably why we end up doing something really nice every so often - to make up for the lack of “together” ness on a more regular basis. Now, if she was also blogged, got a Facebook account, and was on Twitter, maybe we’d be doing more fun stuff!!!!

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So, there you have it. Shailesh is my new enemy due to his hatred of Timberlake, has an awful lawn that he blames on a dog (I’ve heard that excuse for other things…), sucks at soccer, and was converted by the musical Joseph & the Rainbow Coat! Now that you really know Shailesh, what do you think?

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products.  Today’s victim is Kevin Boer of famed blog Three Oceans who should probably have said no to an interview, but decided to be a good sport anyhow! :) 

What is the nerdiest piece of technology that you own?

My garlic crusher. Or perhaps my leg-mounted altimeter which I use for paragliding, which unfortunately I don’t do much anymore.

You have to loose a sense- which one is it and why?

It would dramatically reduce my quality of life, but if I had to give up one sense, it would be my sense of smell. I love the scent of good food, but I’d give that up to retain the ability to hear Mozart, U2, Thomas Mapfumo, and The African Jazz Pioneers; to retain the ability to see beautiful sunsets, my beautiful wife, and Table Mountain and the Twelve Apostles; and to taste Rijstafel, Kosai, and Suya (though, if I’m not mistaken, losing one’s sense of smell also impacts taste).

Dan Rather and Jessica Alba are sitting at different tables at Starbuck’s and you have the guts to go sit with ONLY one- which one is it and why?

Dan Rather. A bit of a nutcase, but definitely more interesting than Jessica Alba. Besides, my wife is far sexier — than both Dan Rather and Jessica Alba.

Now that you’ve been named one of the Top 25 Most Influential Bloggers, how are you dealing with your celebrity?

Trying to avoid the paparazzi.

Name something you collect- DVDs, porcelain pigs, pet rocks…

Electronic crap. Someday I will open up that 1994 hard drive to see how it works, or boot up my 1983 Osborne to see if I still remember CP/M, or re-install DOS 5.x off a 1.4MB disk.

Tell us about your diverse heritage and how your background makes you different than people around you.

Father is Dutch Canadian. Mom is Dutch American. They met in Michigan. Born there, left after 6 weeks, raised in Nigeria. Came back to Michigan for 2nd grade and then for college. Went to Botswana for 4 years and South Africa for 3. Moved to Santa Barbara (her name is Theresa). New Haven for a year. Got married. London for the summer. New Haven for another year. Nigeria for the summer. Have now finally settled in Menlo Park, CA. I’m different from other people in that my party tricks revolve around Setswana tongue twisters (”Go goga ga gago ga go gontle”), Hausa tongue twisters (”Ba ta taba tabata ba, ko ta taba taba taba, ko bata taba taba taba ba”), and stories of Nigerian taxi drivers.

What are your retirement plans?

Have enough passive income to live comfortably from April to October in the Bay Area, and from October to April in Cape Town. 2 summers every year.

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So, there you have it.  Kevin admits to owning a garlic crusher as if there is shame associated with it, has the hots for a conversation with Dan Rather, has an electronics fetish, can boggle the mind with African tongue twisters and spends his spare time hiding out from the paparazzi!  Now that you really know Kevin, what do you think?

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. Today’s victim is my friend Eric Gage who is a fellow Texan.  Eric practices commercial real estate and loves it (and swears to me it’s not cutthroat as I experienced it to be… weirdo). 

Tell us about one of your scars.

Scars? I don’t have any scars…I wasn’t an accident prone kid growing up, and to this day I don’t do anything that I can get hurt on. Well, I try not to, and if I have to do some heavy manual labor then I will have to hire that out. Oh wait…kindergarten I got chickenpocks. I have a small little bity scar now to the right of my belly button…still there, but slowly going away…does this count?

Have you ever gone drag racing in Houston (or somewhere else)?

See above on the accident prone…no drag racing for me! Wait…I live in Houston, Texas and every freeway is a drag race I thought!

Why is UT better than TSU (fka SWT)? Oh wait… did you go to SWT? My bad… just answer the question!

Yes, I went to SWT or TSU now! I hate the name change, but you didn’t ask that. Still a bitter subject. However, just because UT is larger doesn’t make it better. Though, if you went to SWT you were either a UT fan or a A&M fan…I happen to be a UT fan so it will be hard to say anything bad. I am a devoted UT football watcher every Saturday despite their losses! GO SW(U)T!!

Who would you rather arm wrestle- Chuck Norris with his bulging muscles or Brittney Spears with her insanity?

Oh, you haven’t seen my Popeye’s have you? I can blow them up as if they were arm floaties for a child to make them bigger! Oh to answer your question…I can’t arm wrestle Britney Spears…she may win! Come on with it Norris!

Which of the following have you done: ballet (for football n stuff), bowling or archery?

Ummm..you don’t want me doing football or archery! I will have to choose bowling! Why? I took it in college and received an “A”! That sure helped my GPA!

Have you ever run in a marathon for a cause?

I have done a relay for the American Heart Association, but I think that was in elementary school! Now, I just donate…but easier and less work on my part! But it’s funny that you asked, because I do want to do one in the near future. How near I am not sure, but until then I will keep donating to the causes! My causes that I am partial to is the Susan B. Komen Breast Cancer, American Cancer Society and Lance Armstrong.

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So, there you have it.  Eric is scared of adventure that might harm his pretty mug (awww), is jealous that I went to UT and have alumni seats, has officially threatened Chuck Norris’ manhood and donates money instead of running because feet blisters just aren’t sexy, y’all!  Now that you really know Eric, what do you think?

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. As the ever popular Kris Berg of the San Diego Home Blog put it, this is her “career-ending opportunity” of a lifetime, so read on to learn why…

Name a superstition you have.

Never pick a penny up off of the ground unless it is lying face up (or tethered to #2 Cheese Enchilada Combo Plate).

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Can I? I’m blogging.

Tell us about that time in college when you did something bad.

I once forgot to take into account the fact that the rebar had been prestressed when calculating the tensile strength of a bridge footing in my Reinforced Concrete Lab. Oh, and something about a frat party.

What is your favorite drink at Starbucks, your favorite pizza, your favorite color, your favorite purse designer, your favorite dream car, and your favorite singer?

Grande white chocolate mocha, non-fat, no whip; the one that is delivered; chardonnay; Brinks; Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile; and Deep Throat.

If William Shatner walked into your office, what portion of his career would leave you starstruck?

His portrayal of Alfalfa on the Little Rascals.

Tell us the story of getting engaged to Steve.

Without giving too much away, it involved a party, a Tall Scotch & Water with a Twist (or ten), midnight munchies, a drive-thru window, assorted food products named “Jack” (Bonus, Breakfast), two Super Tacos, a large order of fries and a couple of regrettable hangovers. Steve is such a romantic!

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So, there you have it.  Kris pines for the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile chauffeured by William Shatner playing Alfalfa, driving her and Steve around while they reminisce about their overly romantic engagement.  Now that you really know Kris, what do you think?

Just when you thought you knew your favorite bloggers, along comes the Bubble Gum Interviews. We ask the really tough questions about things like food preferences, high school stories and favorite hair products. Today we talk to Todd (not to be confused with the Ted) Carpenter of the mari-bex-fiesta-rama blogs about everything you didn’t want to know about Todd but will now have burned into your memory:

Tell us a story about yourself involving drool.

Well, I’m a big Beyonce fan, and I’m not talking about her music.

You lose your hearing or your sense of taste- which would you rather and why?

I would way rather loose my taste. Then I could eat celery, rice cakes, Lean Cuisine, or whatever else that would help me loose weight. I weigh the same as I did in high school, which is still to much. One of my biggest problems is that I happen to be a great cook. Temptation surrounds me just walking into the kitchen.

What is the ugliest thing in your closet?

I’ve owned plenty of ugly clothes, but none of them are in my closet. If I’m not wearing something, it goes to the Good Will.

Name the scariest thing you’ve seen in a body of water.

It happened while sailing in the British Virgin Islands with my family. My mother and her friend were snorkeling along a reef and I was getting ready to join them. One of the crew was also in the water and swam back to the boat, saying that she had just seen a really big shark. So my mom is like 100 yards away, the yacht is anchored, the Captain took the dingy to go get some supplies on a local island. My choice is to stay in the boat, or go get my mom. The way I figured it, there was a slim chance that the shark could kill me or my mom. But if I didn’t go out and tell her, my mom most definitely would have killed me, so my chances were better with the shark. I jumped in, and didn’t see anything. I swam out to them and said, “Hey, she thinks it was just a nurse shark (lie!) but Mary saw a shark just a few minutes ago”. That was enough for them to make a bee-line back to the boat. My mask was leaking so I paused to let the water out. As soon as I dunked my head back into the water, a shark was swimming directly below me. Maybe 15 feet down. It was actually just a reef shark, about seven feet long. But in the few seconds it took me to process the potential danger, I think I had about four heart attacks. My mom and her friend never did see the shark. But it swam below us (just behind them) almost all the way back to the boat.

You meet The Rock and he wants to have a pillow fight with you- what do you say?

I’d say, “Hey The Rock, you know when you played that sissy boy bouncer in Be Cool? That’s like the only acting role you ever had that was believable! You want a pillow fight? Bring it on pebbles!” Of course I will have already stuffed my pillow case with a folding chair. Everyone knows the chair is The Rock’s kryptonite.

Tell us about something kind you’ve done for a stranger that you never saw again.

Every day, to hundreds if not thousands of strangers, I grace them with my presence. What could be more kind?

Seriously though, I sort of have a story that fits. While I was still in school, I worked at the Sears Auto Center as a service advisor. Basically the sales guy for the mechanics. A girl came in and asked me to give her an estimate on replacing her transmission. I asked her what was wrong with it. She said it won’t hardly go into gear, and that Midas told her she needed a new one. Her quote from them was $1200.00. I said, “did you check your clutch fluid level?”. She had no idea what I was talking about. I took her out to her car, popped the hood, and yep, the fluid was very low. I told her, ” I can sell you a pint of fluid for a dollar, and see what happens.” So I added the fluid, and bam! The tranny works again, just like new. I told her that there may be a leak in the system and that we may need to replace the clutch master cylinder, but that the transmission is fine. I told her to come back if it all leaked out again.

This story sort of fits your question because I never intended to see her again. I don’t know if I’d call it kindness, or just doing the right thing. I was happy to have helped her. Anyway, a week went by, and she was back. I figures the fluid must have leaked out, but I was mistaken. She asked me to come out and look at the car. When I got outside, she gave me a hundred dollar bill. She insisted I take it, told me she was way ahead, and appreciated my honesty. Later she came back to have her brakes worked on, and even later, I did a mortgage for her. For me, it was a reinforcing moment in my life to always do the right thing.

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So, there you have it.  Todd has torn feelings between Beyonce and The Rock dressed in a tight blue casual suit, has screamed under water like a girl just because of a little shark fish, and would cut his tongue off to shed a few pounds, but it’s all good because he always remembers to do the right thing!  Now that you really know Todd, what do you think?