Oh, I love Canadians (I just hope they’ll forgive us for South Park’s “Blame Canada” medley), especially Norm Fisher! I’ll admit it has taken a long time for this interview to come to fruition between Norm swallowing neighboring brokerages like a (nice) gator and my need to have everything immaculately timed. But alas, the time has come and the wait was WELL worth it!

When did the training wheels come off of your bicycle as a kid?

I can’t recall how old I was, but I otherwise remember it like it was yesterday. I left my bike at the bottom of the driveway and ran inside the house. Moments later, I looked out the front window and Brenda Khnitski, my neighbour, had pushed my bike over, climbed on top of it and was jumping up and down, mangling the training wheels. In a complete fit of rage, I ran to the street and hurled her to the ground. I had barely begun to deal with her when I saw my mom come running with a wooden spoon in her hand screaming, “Norman!! Norman!!” To my complete surprise, she struck me with that damned spoon seven or eight times. Ouch! The training wheels came off later that day, and of course, I learned a lesson which has served me well since; you can’t always trust your mother.

If you could be the best in any sport, which would it be?

Without a doubt, it would be hockey. I tried to play it as a kid but I was completely lame. I was the one who skated around on his ankles hoping that the puck would never come anywhere near him. I’m not really sure why I stuck it out for four painful seasons.

My wife and my son are the biggest NHL fans in the world. Did you know that there’s a hockey game on TV almost every night between October and June? Sometimes two, if you include the French channels! They watch every one of them, cheering and screaming like lunatics as I relive the pain of my youth upstairs in my office.

If I was good at hockey, I’d probably enjoy the game more and I’d get to spend more time with my high def plasma TV.

Tell us about something stupid you did as a kid that resulted in an injury?

When I was twelve or thirteen, a major shopping mall was built near our neighborhood. During the excavation stage, a huge hill of earth was formed and as kids, we enjoyed riding our bikes there. You could really get whipping on the way down that sucker. Everyone avoided one side of the hill which was particularly steep. Some earth had been removed from this side resulting in a sudden and sharp drop off. I was reluctant at first, but it did look like fun as my two buddies rode the slope, and gracefully flew through the air to a surprisingly soft landing below. The jeering from the ground provided much needed encouragement as I bolted from the top of the hill. Within seconds, I was flying through the air. “YES!! I’M ALIVE!!” I thought to myself, wind whipping through my hair, and my heart pounding with excitement. I felt like I’d conquered the world, until moments later, I hit the ground, and became a heap of flesh, metal and broken bones.

Name a guilty pleasure.

Sweet stuff! I’ve always been crazy about candy and chocolate. I’ve actually hurt myself by overindulgence on more than one occasion.

Last summer, Trish and I travelled through Lake Louise. There’s a cool candy store there that makes chocolate goodies which are named after various animals that live in the area. You have your “elk plops” and your “bear claws” and several other delights which are all essentially the same, except for their names and the basic layout of the ingredients. We decided that we should try one of each and we ate about 30 dollars worth of chocolate in the next half hour. On the bright side, we didn’t eat again for the next couple of days, so I think there were definitely some savings.

If you were on a yacht and it was going to sink, who would you save between Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and a good bottle of liquor?

I hate to sound so shallow that I might actually choose a “good bottle of liquor” over a human life. Regardless of the choice one makes here, it’s bound to lead to a lifetime of guilt. That’s a trip I’d prefer to start with a good bottle of liquor. Besides, let’s face it; Paris and Brittany aren’t exactly getting better with age!

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So there you have it. Norm beats up little girls, is the lamest hockey player ever, broke himself in a mall, has actually overdosed on chocolate, and would choose liquor (which causes wrinkles and puking) over a rich, hot heiress (which causes happiness and chronic popularity). Now that you really know Norm, what do you think??